


Seventeen Elvises Have Left the Building

by Vintar



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-13
Updated: 2012-10-13
Packaged: 2017-11-16 05:18:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vintar/pseuds/Vintar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ain't no wedding like a Strider-Pyrope wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seventeen Elvises Have Left the Building

TH1S 1S GO1NG TO 3ND B4DLY

you do know its bad luck to see the bride before the wedding right

its why im holding down the fort over here and youre doing whatever it is youre doing over there

Y3S BUT YOUR CUSTOMS 4R3 STR4NG3LY L4CK1NG ON TH3 TOP1C OF T3XT1NG TH3 BR1D3

true

ok shoot

TH1S 1S GO1NG TO 3ND B4DLY

nope this is going to be the best earthternian hybrid wedding ever

mostly because its the only one

all those other suckers living in sin

missing the chance to cut a fancyass cake and punch a monster

TH3 MONST3RPUNCH1NG 1S V3RY 1MPORT4NT TO MY P3OPL3

1 C4NT B3L13V3 YOUR3 B31NG 1NTOL3R4NT OF OUR W4YS ON MY MOST SP3C14L OF D4YS

FOR SH4M3

ok first up i think we can all agree that the day you discovered both skittles vodka and katamari was your most special of days

second i am the king of respect ok

completely down with the authentic matesprit bonding ceremony experience

cept ill need the deposit back for the venue hire so instead of an enemy to slaughter i just bought one of your textbooks

you did stab it that one time so i thought itd count

1 C4NT B3L13V3 SOM3TH1NG SO POORLY SOURC3D W4S COMPULSORY R34D1NG!

ON 4LT3RN14 4P4 R3F3R3NC1NG 1S 4 CULL4BL3 OFF3NC3

see itll be fine

referencing leads to anger

anger leads to hate

hate leads to murdering a book in front of all your loved ones

1TS GO1NG TO M4K3 TH3 R1TU4L H34RT-34T1NG 4 B1T H4RD3R THOUGH

YOU D1D PL4N FOR TH3 R1TU4L H34RT-34T1NG, R1GHT?

i uh

may have missed that bit

are you asking me to eat a book

JUST 1TS H34RT

which part of a textbook is its heart

UH

PROB4BLY

TH3 GLOSS4RY >:?

itll be fine well just put some mayo on it

hot sauce maybe

shit im not sure 

what goes with book

i bet jamie oliver never had to deal with this 

BRB 3LV1S PROBL3M

wow 

ok

exactly how much research on human weddings did you do

1 D1D SO MUCH R3S34RCH D4V3

1 4M 4 L4W STUD3NT

1 4M M3T1CULOUS 4ND THOROUGH

1 H4V3 PL4NN3D TH3 P3RF3CT HUM4N W3DD1NG

1 H4V3 ORD3R3D SO M4NY 3LV1S3S

well thats a sentence you dont see every day

and one that explains all the rhinestones ive been finding around the place

okay t minus five and counting team strider-pyrope lets slamdunk the goals and do this thing

ringbearer

PR3S3NT 4ND 4CCOUNT3D FOR

MONST3R TO PUNCH?

monsters are a bit thin on the ground here but i kind of mentioned it to little big dad bro at the bucks night and long story short now weve got an alligator

WH4TS 4N 4LL1G4TOR

MOR3 1MPORT4NTLY C4N 1T B3 PUNCH3D?

probably

GOOD

bridesmaids

CORR4LL3D 

TH3 HUM4N PR13ST?

unhappy about the alligator but coping relatively well

ok youre here im here the guests are here the elvises are here and the doves should be arriving soon

TH3 DOV3M4N DROPP3D TH3M OFF TH1S MORN1NG

im pretty sure the man who brings the doves isn't called the doveman

im also pretty sure that doveman is the worst superhero ever

taking a dump on cars isnt exactly a superpower anyone can do it

WH4TS H3 C4LL3D TH3N?

hes called the shut up and tell me where they are

thats what hes called

4UGH

GO 4SK TH3 K1TCH3N ST4FF

1 TH1NK TH3Y SHOULD B3 DON3 BY NOW BUT 1T TOOK TH3M D4YS TO M4K3 4 S1MPL3 B4S1C 3V3RYD4Y C4K3 1N TH3 SH4P3 OF 4 DR4GON SO WHO KNOWS

something terrible is dawning on me

please tell me that you didnt eat the doves

OF COURS3 NOT!

1 TOLD YOU TH3 C4T3R3RS 4R3 SLOW 4S CHOL3RB34RS

TH3YR3 PROB4BLY ONLY JUST T4K1NG TH3M OUT OF TH3 OV3NS NOW

its possible that theres a reason alternian and human weddings should never be combined and i think ive just discovered it

ok sudden change of schedule we need to be out of here before doveman comes back

wait hang on kanayas just come in with your dress

WH4T DO YOU M34N *MY* DR3SS?

>:]

> :]

>:]

okay

im the prettiest princess

its me

howd you get my measurements though

YOU SL33P R34LLY SOUNDLY

well thats not creepy at all

woah okay there you are outside the window

sup

i told you its bad luck to see the bride

which is me i guess

thats a pretty snappy suit there looking sharp pyrope

wait

is that a boombox

L3T TH3 HUM4N C3R3MON13S COMM3NC3 >:]


End file.
